Computer, write my essay for me

A letter that I wrote to my computer during one of my frustrating writer’s block moments.

I’m sitting staring at you computer. Why won’t you just write the essay yourself? I’m waiting. Why won’t the essay just write itself?

Seriously, this is the conversation that I’m having with myself. The procrastination. The injustice of it all. Why do I have this pressure to write an essay? Well, yes, because I enrolled in the course and because I want to better myself and gain a higher qualification that will lead to a marginally slightly higher paying job. And because I’m passionate about the subject and all that. But WHY do I have to write this essay? It’s detracting from my creative outputs. It’s draining my enthusiasm and creativity. I could be making films. Rather than writing this essay, I could have been on many film sets, working with colleagues and networking and learning. But, had I not been working on this essay, I would not have researched and learnt how to research – and that is most beneficial when I come to documentary filmmaking. But the sleep deprivation! The stress! The lost hours in procrastination! One can only check Facebook so many times. No friend activity. No changes in the past 20 seconds. Frustration.

So computer, why oh why won’t you just write this essay for me? I’ve entered all of my information into you. You’ve seen that I’ve done the work. You have all of my notes from the year in your knowledge banks. What is it you need? You need more information entered into you? C’mon! Become like the pianola you know you want to be. Let your letters depress and record on-screen your thoughts on my research. Together we can overcome.

What’s that? I get all the benefit if you do the work? Well, if you look at it that way. Yes, I’ll be the one finishing the course. Yes, I’ll be the one getting the grade. Yes, I’ll be the one who gets to celebrate once it’s all handed in. What do you want from me? Do you need me to CRC your screws? Do you need me to open you up and give you a dust? Do you need me ‘not’ to spill coffee on you in a sleep-deprived state?

No, I take it back, I didn’t mean it. No, it wasn’t a threat. How could you accuse me of such indecency? No, no, I’m sorry.

Yes, perhaps I get to revel in the joys of celebration once my essay is handed in. But you get to take part too! I can take you to the parties. No, you might not like it, but still! And you get to come on the journey with me, when I look into further study. And further research. And further things.

See, how can I write an essay when I can’t even come up with the third triad sentence? Flowery waffly language as I am wont to do.

Computer, computer, please, relieve my frustration. You don’t want me to get upset and slam my hands onto your keys. All of that will be over. Once you just, please, write the essay for me.

Yes – I know I could have been typing my essay rather than typing this letter to my computer – but one can never know if one doesn’t ask.

Published by phetheringtonnz

Film Producer, Director, Lecturer. From NZ based in London.

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